Christmas on a Budget: The Quest for a Perfect Dress - Part Two

Hey hey readership,

I think you'll agree by now that Tor, my blogging partner, is as cute as several buttons. Look at her face and hair - she makes Primark look appealing to me.
I am carrying on the Tor(nado)'s coverage of pretty pretty Christmas dresses, except today I'm visiting Zara, so that "Under £30" proviso has (ooh! there! there! in the sky!) flown right out of view. Nope, we're upping the budget to £100, even though my own personal fashion budget figures more generally around the "Under £6" mark. I'm not ashamed to say that thanks to the flimsy curtains at Cancer Research, everyone who frequents the Norwich branch has seen most of my pale naked flesh. The benevolent, elderly and poor have seen my nipples and this, readership is my gift to them.

I am expensif
Here are my 5 Picks from the Zara, Norwich store. These decisions were made 'on the hanger' and represent particular trends of which I am fond. I recall from reading an article in the Saturday Times a few months back that Zara is unique in that each store manager acts as a 'buyer,' ordering in designs from a vast selection, tailoring their picks to trends that are proving popular in their region. This is why the garments in Zara, Bluewater which I frequent when I'm visiting my mother is so much more 'high fashion' than the Norwich-y stock. There's a lot of money to be made around Essex-way and those girls know their designers. What I'm trying to put across is that the Norwich Zara is a little short on floaty and heavy on the tweedy. Just sayin.'

And with that:

#1Block colour - £39

I enjoy block colour. It makes me feel all Jonathan Saunders (A/W 07) and Mark Rothko (above, Untitled 1968). Unfortunately, this dress was also cut like a Rothko, that is to say straight up and down with no waist definition, no complimetary bosom display and hard 'n chunk in the hips.

I was a very angry caterpillar.

#2 - Pleat and Sparkle - £79

I love a fabric that can hold its shape. I am young woman with quite the curve and I need a garment that will compliment this arrangement. I find high street embellishment bling quite tacky and I usually avoid it like the sartorial plague that it is.

But look at that big pleat and my blushes. I'm so happy! Compare and contrast this dress and the despicable former:

Coo!


Ew!

Why it's like I have two different bums, so it is. Tailoring is a beautiful thing, friends. I love it when it when a garment has a fidelity with the body. Which brings me to.....

#3 - Body Con. £29

Yuh. This is from Zara's TRL section (y'know! for teens!) and this dress was deemed a Large. I am a Size 12-14 and a 34C and this was the extent I could clamber into this dress. And I'm not naive, readership. I know that most girls wearing skintight zip up dresses look more like this:

Christopher Kane S/S06

but I also know that skilled design means that a girl my size can look super fierce (can I pull off saying 'fierce'? I just don't know) in a bodycon outfit:

Christopher Kane for Topshop, February 2007

So shame on you Zara, super shame on you. Last I checked, teenager is not a synonym for 'no tits, no hips.' I just wanted a sexy dress in which to drink White Lighting in the park. Damn you.

#4 Chanel-lo! £79

Mmm, Lagerfeld-y. Can't argue with a monochrome chiffon gown that's 'inspired' by the ultimate in chic fashion brands. I felt awesome - floaty and malevolent.

To spare y'all the horror (the horror!) I have photoshopped out my nipples and photoshopped in a dark murky lighting scheme. It's well elegant, innit?

Me and my modelling partner are ready to sex it up, goth style. What say you, Karl?

Oh, Karl. I knew you would.

Love,
B.