Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Super-long Holiday Post

Hello readers/anyone who found us by mistake!

Well i'm back from my jollydays, and feeling self-indulgent. Whilst Becky spent her Easter break in 'Trashford' with her lovely mummy and took care of the blog (like it was a newborn fashion baby) I just spent a fabulous fortnight in Florida frolicking in the sun, meeting Mickey and Minnie Mouse, and spending my hard earned (ie lovingly issued by my parents) cash in the plethora of cheap as chips outlet malls.

In Disney World oversized head gear is all the rage- i'm one trendy chick!

Whenever i'm in America I come home with a Betsey Johnson handbag; I have a weakness for her quirky yet high-quality leather goods and I don' t care who knows it! Despite my hour in the Betsey Johnson store with bags draped all the way up my arms and trying on every single piece of jewellery, headwear and sunglasses (all at the same time) however, I didn't quite have the mullah to buy all of the precious things my heart desired, so on this trip I moved on to cheaper but equally fabulous fashion buys.

In much the same way that Becky has been forced to view/bored by my holiday snaps (oh look! another picture of cinderella's castle! Yawn) I have an overwhelming desire to infiltrate the blogosphere with snaps of all my glorious holiday purchases. And to make it even more exciting, i'll do it in a list; because organisation is fun, y'know!

1. Cream Patchwork leather purse. Fossil.

According to last weeks Grazia magazine (and who know's more about fashion then them, right?) patchwork is set to be this summers big 'thing' for handbags. Now , I thought patchwork was big last summer (and I have the 50 quid brown patchwork bag from Dorothy Perkins to proove it) but no matter: this oversized 100% leather purse with subtle white and cream patches and bronze studs has pockets big enough to carry a munchkins head (or, ya'know, my mobile) And that makes it A-OK with me.

Those Munchkinlanders won't bother the poor witch anymore!

2. Patent leather gladiator sandals. Wardrobe Seven.

There is nothing harder than trying to photograph your own feet!

Wardrobe Seven is an awesome shop in old town Kissamee (for which, sadly, I cannot find a website) It sells a wide range of faux vintage gear ranging from 50s style cats eye sunglasses to Teddyboy leather jackets and jeans. It also stocks pretty prom style and tea dresses and a shoe buffet: the more shoes you buy, the cheaper they are: and what's not to like about cheap shoes! I fell in love with these patent black gladiator sandals at first sight. The gold buckles made them seem glam in a slightly 'footballers wife' way that I loved but the triple ankle strap lent a harder tougher feel. I can't wait for the weather to pick up so I can show them off!!

3. BCBG Maxazara Shirt

Sensible sensible job interview shirt. Or at least, that's what I told myself to justify the 'this seems like a lot of cash for a white shirt' expense. I'm slightly obsessed with ruffles and have decided i wouldn't want a job with any one who didn't hire me in this shirt: they wouldn't have any fashion sense/eyes.

4. Gold Lame Tommy Hilfiger skirt

Me: "Mum, what do you think of my new skirt?"

Mum: "Erm, well you look happy in it."

Ahh, there's nothing better than buying clothes my mum/boyfriend don't like. My boyfriend has a theory that the way to buy me the perfect gift is to go into a shop and pick out the thing he thinks is ugliest. The funny thing is, he always buys the best gifts! Ok so the skirt is a little 'bold' and its probably not the most flattering material on my 'wider than the average' hips. But look how shiny it is! Ahhhhh, shiny........

5. Polka dot floo length dress. TJ Maxx

Underneath my pile of everyday clothes (tea dresses, sensible black tops, too many pairs of jeans) i have what I like to call my "what if" wardrobe. I have"what if i go on a cruise" clothes, and "what if vogue suddenly calls" oufits. Well this dress is my new "what if I decide to go to the grad ball" dress. It's more informal than the dress I wore for my lst grad ball, but I figured I didn't need to be so glam the second time around and this had an understated, almost I dont care cool. Plus I like polka dots and anything that makes me look slimmer than I actually am. Result.

So there you have it. My 5 favourite things that I brought back from my holiday. (6 if you include the tan that my sister says (and I quote) "doesn't make me look quite so dead") Oooh I also want to mention the Dior Couture ball gown I fell in love with: rrp $22,000. Dior outlet store price: $1,800. So cheap yet so far out of my budget. Still, at least I got to fondle it (until I was dragged by my family from the store) Oh, and whilst i'm feeling self indulgent, this is Fabfrocks 100th post. (albeit an incoherent jat lagged rambling one!) Go team us!

Peace, love, and mickey mouse,


Wednesday, 9 April 2008

Hero: Isabella Rossellini

Hello blogosphere,

I've been preparing this post for a little while because I wanted to do justice to my subject. Isabella Rossellini is beautiful, no duh. She's a wonderful actress with an eclectic career and she was a successful model with a famous Lancome contract and a bazillion Vogue covers to her name. This is not why I'm featuring her. No, Isabella Rossellini gets a whole post to herself not just because she's super stylish but because she is batshit crazy in the acest possible way.

Not in the diva way, unfortunately. This is an old Dolce and Gabbana campaign.

I am always on the lookout for obscure fashion-related literature so when Francine Prose alerted me to Rosellini's autobiography in her neato how-to book "Reading Like a Writer" (books about writing/reading are my porn), I cyber-schlepped over to Amazon Marketplace, paid a teeny £3 fee and lo! "Some of Me" appeared on my doormat two weeks later.

"Some of Me" as any person of substance will, know, is a play on Katherine Hepburn's autobiography "All of Me." It's so called because the author acknowledges, she ain't telling the truth for no-one:

It's a habit of mine to embellish and colour events until I lose sight of what really happened. Even when I was a child my grandmother had to say: "Verita o fantasia?" ---- "Truth or fantast?" If you want to eliminate my grandmother's kindness and to put it more bluntly, I lie. I always did.

Friends, this is the finest celebrity memoir I have ever encountered. Better then that one Groucho Marx tried to ban because he was old and drunk and bitched and libelled up the ying-yang. This book is chock full of glossy photos, famous ex-boyfriends, philosophy and batshit conversations she has with her dead father.

Even the glossy stuff of Rossellini as super-gorgeous model is undercut by humour and a sense of the macabre.

Caption: The first advert where I did not have to use the wax from the undertakers to fix my broken teeth.

Oh god, oh god, I love the beauty industry. And I love Isabella Rossellini even more. On reading in the New York Times about the pristine condition of Lenin's head as preserved by Doctor Sergei Lubov (the doctor was quoted: "If a pathologist looked at samples of skin from Lenin and a fresh corpse, he could not tell which is which, it is so well preserved."), Rossellini cut out the article and sent it Lancome with a note: "Doctor Debov may be of some use to us." But, she adds, I got no response.

Bitch has 28 Vogue covers to her name. 78% have surprised eyes.

And have we even talked about Martin Scorsese and David Lynch? She married Scorsese and dated Lynch for about 7 years. How would we even deal with that in our celebrity-obsessed culture? If it happened today, we'd be forced to refer to them by some awful amalgamation of their names. Scor-bella or Isnch or some shit.



I really really have to do a "David Lynch Women" post - there's an insane amount of fashiony stuff to talk about in his films, his collaboration with Christian Louboutin and his latest adverts for Gucci perfumes. Still, this ain't his post, it's Isabella's and that bastard broke her heart. However, h did give her a couple of kick-ass roles in the meantime.

Dorothy in Blue Velvet - the film with "the severed ear in the heart of suburbia" as my A-Level film studies tutors were fond of saying INCESSANTLY

Perdita Durango in Wild At Heart

In addition to all of this eyebrow work, Lynch also gave Rossellini several pieces of his art. This one is my favourite - it's called "How to Assemble a Chicken"

I mean, don't you instinctively warm to a women who lovingly displays a rotted chicken carcass in her home? THAT'S frickin' style in my book.

However, among the many awesome attributes of "Some of Me,' one of the standout chapters concerns Isabella's obsession with insects' sex lives. Truly, I was edu-tained reading about spider masturbation, earthworm self-impregnation and snails that change gender.

"Don't think it was the frequent divorces, the homosexuality, the extra marital affais with the creation of half-brothers and sisters around the world all taking place within my family that forceme into being disrespectful of tradition and adopting unconventional attitudes. My pets helped a great deal. Once you've lived with dogs, cats, rabbits, birds, pig, you've seen it all.... Pets make you face the darkest, most hidden facts of nature. There have been sex crossings, species crossings, even sex with inanimate objects. Spanky, my pig, humped the living room furniture every night."

Isabella with Spanky and his canine companion.

This obsession this the sex lives of animals has taken a completely ace turn recently as Rossellini has just turned director and produced a number of shorts subtitled 'Green Porno' where she stars as a series of insects looking for love. The entire shorts aren't online but you can see an interview with clips here:

If this doesn't convince you that this woman is worthy of worship, then I don't know what to say to you. She dresses as a giant spider and simulates sex with a paper cut-out. What moe do you want? She's fearless, weird, cinema royalty* and she has a sensible haircut. A total out-and-out style hero.

Bug-out, friends,

*if I have to tell you she's Ingrid Bergman's daughter, I'll cry.

Beauty = Pain = FACT

Hello blogosphere,

Well, I'm finally teething. I hopd it wouln't happen but my wisdom teeth are making a painful bid for daylight. Jeepers, when this happened to my friends, I assumed they were just wusses who couldn't handle pain in my manly fashion but it turns out that the whole shebang is a jaw-in-a-vice experience. Thankfully, I learnt something from my in-bed "America's Next Top Model" youtube marathon - modelling is basically making ouchy faces with fierce eyes. I know this because Tyra descended from the Judging Panel and told me so. You can pop on a red unitard and learn Tyra's lessons for yourself in this clip from the Dance Studio o' Ultimate Wisdom.

Ah! Ah! It hurts so good! And it's not just entertaining - it's science. See how easily I'm able to replicate the results from my very own bedroom:

You see? Sexxy incarnate despite raging gums. And everyone gets a glimpse of my Primark pyjama top. This is why Tyra is our queen.
(I made it b&w for extra klass.)

I can't wait until my herpes sores come through. I'm thinking Inez and Vinoodh or maybe Mert and Marcus will shoot the campaign. I want bling, a fisheye lens and a sparkle caravan. T'will be the fiercest thing you ever did see.

Speaking of the fiercest thing you ever did see, check out fellow fabulous blogger Imelda Matt, working it but hard on Australian TV - here - Kudos for mentioning crack pipes on morning TV, sir/ma'am!

Speaking of crack, I've got some "Make Me a Supermodel" to watch and some painkillers to binge. I'll try and be better and more updatey by tomorrow

Your pal,