London Fashion Week and New Look

Hi guys,
New Look got in touch and asked me to answer a few questions about my experiences around London Fashion Week, which I could then share with you guys. Here they are, in Q&A format: I hope you find the questions (and the answers!) interesting:
Photo taken from the Ashley Isham show back in Feb 2012

How do you feel about the impact bloggers have had on London Fashion Week as well as fashion on the whole?
This bloggers/LFW debate is still boring on isn't it? I think bloggers have been at fashion week for a while now, and I definitely don’t think that’s a bad thing! Some bloggers have websites that are as big as (or even bigger than) the circulations of some of the larger fashion magazines. And if their readers are interested in fashion week content, they should be able to go out and get it! I think that in just the same way as anyone else attending LFW has to justify their credentials (who they are writing for, circulation numbers etc) bloggers should have to do that too. Because it is an industry event, not just a fun day out (although it is fun too!)

What interests you most about blogging?
I love blogging because I find real women and what they really wear (and their views on all things fashion) so much more interesting and inspiring than what models and celebrities are wearing or doing. I’m interested in blogging because it’s real. And I love writing my own blog because it’s a way of sharing my passion for and interest in fashion, as well as a great creative outlet.

Describe your personal style in 3 words.
Trend-led, accessorized and eclectic

High Street or High Fashion?
High street all the way! I think the British high street is the best in the world, and it means you get to try all the catwalk trends without breaking the bank. I do have some high fashion pieces in my wardrobe, but I always mix and max that with more trend-led high street pieces.

How do you feel about online streaming of some shows?
I think that online streaming is a brilliant idea. For the first time in nine seasons I had to miss LFW this season (I stayed home with Wilbur instead) but I was still able to watch some of my favourite shows from the comfort of my own sofa. It’s not quite the same as actually being there,and you don’t get to soak up the atmosphere or feel the feedback from the room. But you do get to see the collections as the designer wants them to be seen, and it’s a huge improvement on simply seeing still photos afterwards: this way you actually get to see how the clothes move!

What do you love the most about Fashion Week? 
I think the thing I love most about Fashion Week is the whole atmosphere of it: I love style spotting and seeing what people are wearing and the hustle and bustle of it. It’s also a great opportunity to catch up with friends and to network with other bloggers and PRs. 

If you could sit on the FROW next to any celeb, who would it be?
I’m not really a massive celeb spotter but I would love to sit on the FROW next to Hilary Alexander, because I always love reading her show reviews and I think it would be fascinating to see and hear her responses in the flesh. Oh, but if I have to choose a celeb, who wouldn’t want to spend some time sitting next to David Beckham? Phwoar!

Do you have any thoughts you'd like to share around London Fashion Week, particularly the involvement of bloggers and high street brand there? I'd love to hear them!

Love Tor x

Simple fashion maths for winter dressing

Hi guys,
I'm starting to think more and more about how I can simplify and streamline my wardrobe, so that I am always looking slick and well put together as easily as possible, whilst still making the biggest impact. Long gone are my days of having hours to plan outfits: instead I want to look good with low impact and then throw on some lipstick (my fail safe tip for looking like I've done my make up when I haven't!)

With these pieces getting dressed in the morning couldn't be easier: just pick one item from each row (I've chosen them all so that they can all be mixed and matched), throw it all together, and you're ready to leave the house in minutes.The perfect mathematical formula for low impact casual winter dressing:


Black leather look sleeve biker jacket, River Island, £75
Ombre faux fur coat, Topshop, £89
Contrast sleeve drape jacket, Warehouse, £85
Owl print skinny sleeve Tshirt, New Look, £9.99
Stud shoulder jumper, New Look, £27.99 
Silk ombre blouse, Warehouse, £55
Ultra soft jeggings, Dorothy Perkins, £23
Leigh khaki skinny jeans, Topshop, £38
Bleach mom jeans, Topshop, £40
Red suede boots, French Connection, £100
Black biker boots, Office, £60
Brown ankle boots, Jeffrey Campbell, £120

I'm a big fan of this new, understated look. I'm starting to come around to thinking that simple basics are the way forward. I already own the leather sleeve biker-style coat from River Island and the black jeggings from Dorothy Perkins. Both are definitely going to become post-baby wardrobe staples. And my favourite jeans in the world (and I'm very fussy about jeans!) are the Leigh skinny jeans from Topshop. So many of the items listed above come highly recommended by me!

Do you tend to find yourself wearing similar outfits over and over again? Could you put together a formula for creating your perfect casual wardrobe?

Love Tor xx

The Fabfrocks maternity wishlist

Hi guys,

Another glorious Monday! Monday is my favourite day to create shopping wishlists: it's amazing how a little harmless Monday lunchtime browsing can make the week suddenly seem manageable again, isn't it? All of my virtual shopping this week has been pregnancy related, and as I'm guessing you don't want to see which moses basket or crib I'm thinking of buying (and frankly, who can blame you!) I've decided to filter this down to all of my  current fashion wants.

In terms of my growing girth, I have reached the point where I can no longer zip up my fitted dresses/skirts/jeans. Which means it's time to hit the shops and check out some maternity clothes. Gulp. So here's everything I'm currently wishing for. Apart from my waistline back, of course:

Coral ruffle dress, New Look, £39.99
Swan collar dress, Topshop, £38
Sequin tunic, Isabella Oliver, £104.50
Aztec tshirt dress, Topshop, £28
M by Missoni maternity cardigan, Blossom mother and child, £278 
See by Chloe yellow camoflage tunic, Blossom mother and child, £377

Actually finding pretty maternity clothes on the highstreet is really hard. If you like jersey or plain t shirts you're in luck! But if you want anything like my normal wardrobe (tea dresses, lace tees, leather leggings perhaps) then you won't find a great deal. And if you do, tell me where, because I'm getting desperate! Topshop seems to be the best I've seen so far, in terms of sticking to the same styles/patterns as their mainline range. But frankly, I can't afford a whole new wardrobe from Topshop that I will only be able to wear for 5 more months! Time to look at my existing wardrobe and get creative, I think...

Love Tor xx

PS - Don't forget to enter my competition to win one of TEN St Tropez tanning sprays or lotions worth £26 each! 

Daily Wear: Dressed like a Brownie!

Hi guys,

Once i'd left the house this morning I realised that i'm dressed like a Brownie: all that's missing are the brown cap and the badge sash! I loved being a Brownie though, so I definitely don't think this is a bad thing! (What is a bad thing is how desperately my fringe needs trimming!) The boxy blazer is much shorter than the longer boyfriend shape I usually wear. I really like it, but it's taking some getting used to! Here's how I look in my unofficial uniform:



The yellow blouse and brogues are New Look, the brown jacket is Topshop (As are the vest and leggings). The necklace is Juicy Couture: a gift from my Nan.

When I was at university I used to be famously scruffy (my mum once called me to remind me not to wear jeans to a wedding!) but i've noticed that my style has really changed, and i'm much smarter than ever before. Even at weekends I opt to wear a blazer and proper shoes over anything else: I only own one pair of jeans (which I rarely wear) and I can't remember the last time I put my Converse on. This must be what happens when you grow up....

Love, Tor xx

Love, Tor xx

What can you buy with £250?

Hi guys,

In New Look £250 will buy you: 3 dresses, 2 blouses, 2 vests, 1 jacket, 1 pair of jeans, a pair of leather brogues, and a pair of super high heels. How do I know this? Because at the Face of Fabulous launch a fortnight ago I won a £250 trolley dash in New Look. And yesterday, I went on that dash! Here are some sneaky detail shots of my haul.

First thing's first, here are the shoes:


I love my leather brogues and I live in them at the weekend, but they've started to look a little beaten up. What better time to replace them! And the yellow heels? Well I liked them, and is it was free shopping, why the hell not!!

I'm slightly obsessed with the ruffle detail on the shoulder of this blue dress, which i'm planning to wear to my hen 'do. I'm not showing you all of it though: i'm saving that for an outfit post when I wear it!


I was very impressed with myself because I didn't buy anything black (very unlike me!) The tops and blouse I selected were vibrant colours perfect for summer: normally I only wear dresses, but i'm really loving wearing blouses with skirts this summer too. The blue vest (which I also got in pink) will be teamed with my camel coloured shorts for my honeymoon.

And the jacket and dress you haven't seen yet? Well they'll be making their debut in tomorrow's outfit post! Overall I was really pleased with everything I chose, and massively excited to have won such a great prize!

Love, Tor xx

Are you the face of Fabulous magazine?

Hi guys,
Last night I went to the launch of the 'Face of Fabulous magazine' competition. (You know Fabulous magazine: the one that comes free with the News of the World on a Sunday?) It looks like this:

The event was the usual bloggers fun: champagne, cupcakes, hair and make up, and a professional photographer (plus a very yummy male model to show us girls how to strike a pose!) All of the clothes for playing dress up were provided by New Look, although my hayfever attack and the heat meant I definitely didn't feel like dressing up, hence the lack of pics! I fell slightly in love with these amazing New Look heels though, as modelled by Jenny (of The Style PA):


Can you believe these crazy shoes cost just £49.99? Apparently they are inspired by the circus. Anyway, enough of my shoe and cupcake chat (they were delicious cupcakes) and on to the competition: its open to any female over the age of 16 who is a resident of the UK.

Obviously, I do not possess a model figure: or model good looks, so I won't be entering. If you do, you can vist the Fabulous facebook page to enter the competition. The prize includes being on the cover of Fabulous magazine, having a photo shoot in New York and being guarenteed a year’s modelling contract with Next Models: definitely worth giving it a go if you think you've got what it takes! Let me know if you enter - then I can say I found you here first!

Love, Tor xx

PS - Goly gosh! Me (who never wins anything) won the star prize at the raffle at the end of the evening: a £250 trolley dash around New Look. Obviously I will be posting all about it as soon as it happens!

Daily wear: Ill advised knits!

Hi guys,
Will I ever dress right for the weather?! I decided to opt for a cardigan instead of a jacket, but chose the wrong one! This one left my arms cold when I was walking to work this morning, but is too thick for the heat of the day, and i'm sat feeling unbearably hot. Oh well, at least it's a nice looking cardigan: fashion first!



The dress is topshop (outlet actually, £20 bogof) the cardigan is very old New Look, the shoes are from Office. The jewellery and bag are all regulars that you've seen plenty of before!

I love these shoes and expected them to be comfortable, given they are such low heels. But despite the fact i've had them for three years, the peep toe cuts my big toes to shreds everytime I wear them, so I can only ever wear them on days where I know I won't be doing a lot of trekking about town!

Finally, sorry for the close up of my moody face (one of these days i'll learn to smile!) but I wanted to share my new hair cut and colour! It's not much different from the old one (i'm a creature of habit!) but I have had some low lights added this time so the colour won't look too harsh as it starts to grow out: my hair grows so quickly in the summer, so this is my only solution! The next time I have my hair coloured will be 6 days before my wedding! Eeek!!

Love,
Tor xxx

PS - DON'T FORGET to enter my awesome Faith competition! There are two amazing pairs of shoes up for grabs!

Shoe show off: three new pairs of lovely shoes!

This is definitely going to be one of those self-centred "look at all the great shoes I have" posts, but i've made my peace with that!

You may remember that back in April I went on a tour of the Dr Marten factory and as well as it being a fascinating day, they also said that they would send me a pair of boots of my choice. Four months later (and completely out of the blue as i'd forgotten all about it!) and I finally have my hands on these beauties:

The pattern on them is a Victorian rose, and the detail I love most is the pink stitching: it's interesting to add a girly slant to what is essentially a masculine boot. They also come with pink ribbons that can be used to replace the laces. I have no idea what i'll wear these with, but I can't wait to give it a go!

Next on my list of lovely shoes are these sandals from the Topshop sale: leather and studs and lovely gold. What more could you look for in a sandal!? They were in the sale for just £12 (as you can see) and I actually got these to save for my honeymoon: I don't own any sandals or flipflops that don't have hundreds of straps, and I know for our trip i'll need something simple and slip on, and these fit the bill perfectly.
Finally, whilst I was on my mamouth trip to New Look last week, I picked up these heeled desert boots: they will be my new winter staple shoes. The picture isn't very good (because the boots are on my feet!) but that's just testiment to how comfortable they are! New Look actually had a really big selection of reasonably prices winter boots (both flat and heeled) that I think would be well worth checking out if you need a new pair.

I know this was a bit like "show and tell" at school (only with legos!) but I had to show off my wonderful new foot fashion!

Love, Tor xx

New Season: New Look limited edition

I'm not normally a big fan of New Look, but I picked up a gorgeous dress from their Limited Edition collection in the sale earlier in the summer, and I wear it at least once a week! So when I wandered passed New Look yesterday and saw that their new Limited Edition collection was in store, I knew I had to pop in and check it out:

I love this dress (£40) which is covered in animals: horses, birds, elephants: it's like a zoo in print! Obsessed! Collars don't usually suit me, but this peter pan collar is flattering, and it can be unbuttoned at the front to show a little more skin.

This fluid jersey maxi dress (£35) really emphasises curves: I feel like Nigella Lawson in it: all hips and boobs!! I love dresses with sleeves, I think they're so flattering, and if this dress had come in black, or even a darker grey, i'd have picked it up in a heart beat! Sadly I just don't think this grey is flattering as an all-over colour.

These grey ruched leggings (£25) are so thick they fit like trousers: I loved the way they felt and the way they fit: again if they came in black they'd be mine in an instant, but I don't like to emphasise my legs, and I felt the grey did that a little. The sheer blouse (£25) is a winner: great for work, or for slouching around with leggings at the weekend.

All in all, definitely worth checking out!!

Love, Tor x

Fabfrocks picks from the New Look sale

Hi guys,

The New Look sale started at the end of last week, and my sister and I popped in and picked up some absolute bargains. However I didn't have time for a big try on session to share with you guys until today. Today there is certainly less stock, but still lots of great picks especially if your planning a summer holiday or obsessed with the peach and nude trend, and all of it half price or less.

I loved these two very prim and proper 50s style dresses, though the boob area on the pink one was pretty perculiar! The fit is perfect for body shapes like mine: all nipped in waist and flared skirt with a fitted bust. I'm also a sucker for polka dots, so both of these dresses had me at "hello." For a wedding/garden party/any other smart summer occasion both of these dresses would be perfect, and their so cheap you could splash out on a really great pair of shoes to wear with them: the pink dress is just £12 and the blue one is £15.

See what I mean about the abundance of peaches and nudes? (are we still allowed to call them nudes? That's a can of worms i'm not opening!) New Look must be predicting that the nude trend is going to go out of Vogue very quickly. I still really love it though, trend or not, and will be rocking nudes for a little while longer yet: there perfect for summer and look amazing with a tan. If you agree with me then the new look sale is the place for you: all of the tops above are less than £15 and they all look and feel fab!

NB: Please ignore my horrible hair in all of the photos above. I went for a swim before work this morning but forgot my swim cap, so I swam anyway and left my hair a tangled chlorine-stinking bush!

I would recommend that if you're looking for sale bargains and you're a New Look fan then get there sooner rather than later. The stock seems to be disapearing really quickly (in the Oxford street store at least) and the items you're looking for might not be there for long. If you're wardrobe is missing a casual jacket, hareem pants, super soft sweatshirts or raincoats then you should run to New Look: these are the highlights of the sale.

Love, Tor xx

PS - Don't forget to enter my competition to win two tickets to the Fashion Maketh Woman debate next week.

New Look press day: Accessories lust!

Yesterday was the New Look press day and it was the accessories (especially the shoes!) that had me going weak at the knees. There were some incredible chunky wedges that I wish I could get my hands on now, loads of faux fur, lovely velvet, and lots of lovely nudes (again).

I love the chunkier more masculine style shoes in tan and camel and the tapestry bag in the very bottom picture is already on my "must-have" list: it's the perfect faux-vintage look. The jewellery was a little garish for my personal tastes but again explored the faux-vintage theme. The feathered head scarf below is gorgeous:it looks really luxe, but with the added bonus of knowing it will come with a New Look price tag! I will definitely be heading to New Look for my accessories fix need autumn/winter: there is a nude fur deer stalker with my name on it!

I don't really have much more to say but in this case, I think a picture says a thousand words!

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend and if you're in the UK - bank holiday! Woo!

Love, Tor xx

Take a new look at New Look

I've never paid much attention to New Look for a very silly reason: in my home town there are only 3 clothes shops, one of which is New Look. So when I was a sullen teenager, New Look was where I went for all of my jeans and angry black T shirts (not much change there then!) I never thought of it as very fashionable. So when I left my tiny hometown I didn't think I would want to set foot in a New Look for a very long time. Yesterday I changed my mind!

The colder weather has really thrown me (as i'm sure you can tell by all my winter posts!) so I went into New Look hunting for some inexpensive winter warmers. And their range of jumpers and sweatshirts (my latest obsession) shocked me with the quality of both the design and the fit:

*DISCLAIMER - please ignore my frizzy hair, as i'd just come in from a snow shower!*

My favourites were the dark grey "bonjour" one, and the slouchy plain nude. I also loved this stripey long-sleeved tee, despite its flabby tummy exposing properties: That's a whole load of untoned flesh on display! However layered upon layers I think it could really work! There were also acres of sequinned dresses and blazers, and impressive shoe display, and they already had a lot of their Spring/Summer stock in store. I would say that New Look is a lot like Topshop, only cheaper!

There are several stores I haven't looked at since I was a teenager, but this New Look experience has made me realise two things: 1) New Look is a store I should definitely visit more often an 2) perhaps I should have a more open mind about the stores I visit!

Love, Tor xx

To jegging, or not to jegging?

Since the word jegging was first coined, I began to wonder if jean leggings are jeggings, are jean dresses jresses? Anyway. You may or may not have noticed that I very very rarely wear trousers; in fact, I only own two pairs of trousers (both jeans) which I wear occasionally for slobby weekends around the house and erm, DIY. However, despite myself and my initial dislike, I have started to like the look of jeggings. I feel that they would add extra interest to my layered outfits and i'm starting to get a little fed up of the predictability of wearing my black leggings under everything! So imagine my delight at seeing these incredibly affordable jeggings (just £15) from New Look's new Yes Yes denim range! In sizes 8-26, this range is affordable in the extreme; the range starts at £10 and tops out at £2o!
I am a big fan of the super skinnies from the range; I just don't think I want to get used to having tight bulky fabric around my waist again (I wore jeans everyday when I was a teenager and had to be coaxed out them by my mother once to go to a wedding-it took a long time to wean myself off them and now i'm used to the feeling of freedom you get with a dress!)

But if they were in a softer gentle stretch fabric, I would definitely be prepared to give it a go; especially as winter approaches where a thicker fabric legging/jean under my floaty dresses would be perfect for keeping me warm and still looking stylish!

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Only time will tell if the low prices mean poor quality, but in the images the collection certainly looks impressive; i'm sure this cliche will be all over the tabloids, but it really is like credit crunch jean shopping isn't it? But whilst still managing to look all gorgeous and glamour: love it!And despite my initial reservations I think I will be popping down to Oxford Street tomorrow to give those jeggings a try!

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Love, Tor xx

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DON'T FORGET TO ENTER MY COMPETITION FOR YOUR CHANCE TO COME ON A SHOPPING TREASURE HUNT WITH ME!

New Look A/W09 - Behind the scenes

Check out this awesome video which goes behind the scenes at the photoshoot for New Look's new Autumn/Winter collection:

The video has been created from still images, hence the amazing effect. Watching this makes me so glad I invested in my boyfriend blazer, which I suspect is still going to be a massive all the way through to spring. It also confirms what anyone with eyes will have already noticed: the biker look is going to be MASSIVE this winter: those clever folks at New Look even threw in a couple of motorbikes to drive this point home! Overall i'm really impressed with the look of the collection which is sleek, fashion forward and wearable. Sometimes I overlook New Look (probably because i'm such a topshop monster!) but I think to do that this season would be a big mistake!
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Oh, and in case you're wondering, the soundtrack to the video is called ‘Through the Ice’ by an unsigned artist: Danimal Kingdom. I've never heard of them, but the tune sure is catchy!
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My final aside is this: does anyone know where they filmed the amazing American diner scene. Because in my diet induced haze, those candy pink milkshakes are looking seriously good right now!
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Love, Tor x

Something for nothing: Outlet shopping in the UK

Hi guys,

I don't know if it's the recession, or if you're all just as bargain crazy as I am, but since my last post on the accessorize outlet, combined with my continual chitter chatter about the topshop outlet, I have been barraged with emails about outlet shopping.

I have replied to you all (I always reply to all my mail!) but for those of you who didnt message me but are still interested in saving some money on your shopping, here is my definitive list of the outlet stores all over the UK that I have visited and enjoyed:

Topshop outlet - This is located in the Broadwalk centre in Edgeware, London. Everything in the store is sale priced, and everything is buy one get one free, including the jewellery, shoes (although they dont often have shoes in stock) and underwear.

Accessorize - This is located in the Trocaderoc centre in Leicester square, London. It is quite a small store but has a wide variety of stock with discounts from 50-70%

New Look - The only New Look outlet in the country that I know of it in Princess Quay in Hull. Everything in the store is in the sale with discounts from 20 to 80%.

Lipsy - With dresses from £5 I am told that if you like Lipsy (i'm not a massive fan, they dont cut for my bust) then the outlet store on Fonthill road, London is a must-visit. The sign at the front of the store is old, but the stock certainly isn't!

Next/Karen Millen/French Connection - If you want a day out full of outlet shopping, try Gunwarth Quay in Portsmouth. I have been there 3 times and always come back with a bargain! It is a very big American style complex literally full of amazing outlet stores. Alternatively if you live a bit further north, the closest outlet mall to my hometime is called Springfields in Spalding. It is small but perfectly formed, and the underwear section of the Marks and Spencers outlet is always worth checking out.

I'm sure there are more to add, but these are ones I have personally visited and picked up some bargains from. Enjoy!

Love, Tor x

NOTE: these are all sourced from my own personal experience. None of this is sponsored, nor can I guarentee the shops will still be there when you visit (although I can say I have been to all of them in the past 12 months!)

Three's a trend!

Hello again,

My posts are like buses this week: you wait around all week for one and then two come along at once! I'm writing again because a wander around the shops at lunchtime made me have a funny thought that led to the photography of some rather lovely bags. And who am I to deprive you of lovely bags!?

I often raise a smile and wonder which high street shops have the same suppliers, as they all seem to have their stock arrive at the same time. I wonder if they all come off the same ship from China and actually land on the shelves on exactly the same day? This was all I could think about as I saw more and more of the exact same things in nearly every shop! In a future life I will shop every single day to test this theory!

Anyway. This week there has been an influx in all the stores (straight off the boat!) of fringed and studded bags, all affordable and all rather lovely actually.

River Island:

New Look: TopShop:

Despite my self-confessed topshop addiction, I actually think they've photographed worst. The new look ones look great but the faux suede fabric feels a little flimsy so I don't think they'd last long (which might not matter given that this is such a "trend"!) The best for me were the river island ones. It's just a shame they were so tiny I wouldn't even fit a third of my current handbags contents in them!!
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If you see a big leather studded and fringed bag (like the river island ones!) when you're on the highstreet then let me know because i'm definitely on the look out!
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Lots of love,

Tor

Getting my Deacon!

"You are gold (golld!) Always believe in your soo-oooul!" Yup, in my head i'm singing this is an elabourate karaoke-esque way! In fact, I sing it whenever I think about Gile Deacon's Gold range for New Look. Thank God it isn't that often!

I'm not normally overly enthused by the Giles for New Look range. Could it be the cheap fabrics, the mediocre designs, both? Who knows. It just doesnt excite me the way other designer collaborations have. It often doesn't seem too far removed from New Looks standard ranges to be of any interest. However, whilst browsing the New Look website I put together this outfit, all by Giles, and I love it! Metallic tulip skirt £35, Lace panel cardigan £30, Oversized clutch bag £25, Bracelet £5

Perfect for low key christmas parties with the family (grandmas love a little lace) the zip stops the cardigan being too frou frou, and the mock croc skirt is long enough to be trendy without being "you just gave uncle jack a heart attack" tarty. And I love the bag. My love affair with studs is definitely in full swing.

And i'm not the only one to covert that bag! The bag lady describes it thus; "The shape and size is functional and convenient yet fashionably on-trend while the studded embellishments add that extra 'zing'."

And who am I to deny anyone a little zing?

So maybe the gold range isn't as bad as I had first thought. But i'm still reluctant to give it my much sought after (ha!) seal of approval. It's just hard for me to relate the man who made these:

With the man who made these:

Shudder. I know there's a 200% difference in price and so on but still: studded hotpants?? In December??

I'm too shocked to write any more...

Tor x

Trial by Changing Room: Giles for New Look

Hello internet friends,

While Tor holidays in Dexter country (Florida, USA), I am visiting my grandparents in Ashford, Kent. Commonly known as 'Trashford' to discontented teenagers county-wide, I nevertheless view it with rose tinted contact lenses. For one thing, it's got its own tank.

That's WWI right there! In your stupid heritage face, Canterbury!

For another, it is in fair proximity to Bluewater, shopping mall o' American-like proportions and noted favourite of our nation's greatest export: Ms Victoria Beckham. Bluewater is home of every high-end high street shop, designer boutiques and is packed with hilarious mall art. For added value it looks like a space station of the semi-dystopian future.

I've never seen anyone over 30 in there. Just sayin' (10 points + cookies if you know what I'm talking about)

My point, and I do have one, is that Bluewater also houses the oft-dissed 'Gold' Giles Deacon for New Look collection, this year modelled by Agyness Deyn.

I've long been a fan of the Giles Deacon diffusion collection. There's a 1950s sauciness that runs through most of his New Look stuff that I rather enjoy. I also have a huge soft spot for New Look and its sparkly, shiny tickety-tack. I am in the biggest fattest minority on this subject but there it is. So when beloved mother and I pootled up to Bluewater (being a non-driver is tres glam, non?) I was excited to schlep it on upstairs to the changing rooms, ready to brave the sub-tropical temperature engendered by massed teen bodyheat for Sweet Lady Fashion!

Look 1 - Corset Zip Top that I May Have On Backwards

I'm going to charitably say that the hips this top gives me remind me of Jean Paul Gaultier's leather corsets for Hermes. I'm feeling exceptionally generous because I think cheap-looking domanatrixes should exhibit an amicable attitude to life. Still, look at my boobs, right? That's some mighty Marks & Spencer scaffolding at work there. Plus, if I'm always on a backwards angle, it makes me look thin. Life is so much sexier at 45 degrees, people. Grab a protractor and grab some ass, is what I say.

Look 2 - Line-y bondage dress

Y'see, one of the great points in New Look's favour is its democratic approach to sizing. Unlike the Kate Moss @ Topshop debacle, I'm not invited to look in the mirror and feel shame at my non-Mossian jellified, hair-spackled form. In this dress, as denoted by my High Klass modelling 'Rargh' face, I actually feel quite sexy.

Klassy Modelling Face No.34

Look 3 - Flagship Pink

Codename "Exception to the Rule". Even bloggers who hate the Gold colllection have a little crush on this dress. Sherberty pinks and tiny ruffles? Very punk princess. The moment I saw it, I knew it was going to make me look like a coked-up socialite, three months pregnant and in total denial. Which in itself is kind of ace.

Y'see? I love it, my belly loves it - everybody's happy. The little ruffles don't like curves so much and rise up to meet you like little puppy tongues. Fans of my near-constant knicker flashing will enjoy the back shot:

Yes indeed. File it under 'Size 10 or under'. Or embrace the belly and the drunken falling. It's a lifestyle choice thing.

This is my drunk and inconsolable paparazzi look.

Look 4 - White Jeans (Making Elizabeth Hurley Proud)

I have never partaken of this nautical/Notting Hill trend before. However, an endorsement from "The Cheap Date Guide to Style" ("weirdly flattering") and the fact I was feeling a little bit trash, led to the donning of white denim.

To be fair to La Hurley and Cheap Date, paired with my silk M&S tuxedo tunic they do elongate my legs a treat and gave me a different bum entirely. Check it:

However, and almost equally pleasingly, they're totally white-trash pant and buttock revealing with even the slightest bend groundwards. I felt gloriously Jerri Blank in those puppies.

If you're stil looking for the right 47 year old junkie crack-whore to worship as your God, may I humbly suggest
Jerri Blank.

Look 5 - Sequinned Green
Yes the corsage is playing on the wrong side of hideous but like all sequin-y dresses, it was kinda fun and squeezed me into a shiny earthworm shape.

I had fun. And for bonus, the sequins didn't threaten to serrate my Face/Off when I removed the dress.

Look 7 - Corset Top and Frilly Skirt

Okay, the dresses are all fine and good and more unflattering than not. This one, however - I love it. The skirt was all kinds of adorable: 100% Silk with lace inserts. Look how happy I am! I wiggled my bottom like a child.

More and more I began to feel like a slutty cheerleader from a 1987 teen movie. A really bitchy and periphiral one.




People bitch about New Look's trashy vest tops but this one was a soft cotton blend and very long. I enjoyed it way more than I had envisioned.

Go 1987! Woo! Yay! Etc!

If the Gods of Finance were on my side, I would have totally purchased this outfit. Verily, it put hustle in my bustle.

Please concentrate on my sultriness and not on the debris the teenagers before me left in the corner.

Accessories
Nautical Rope Heels
Bit of a cliche this season but I still enjoy the rope feature and giant golden buckle. I was also plesed that the heels didn't instantly cripple my high arches the way most high street shoes do. That said, if they weren't carrying the mild Giles Deacon-ish prestige, I doubt I'd enjoy them much at all - I'm not a fan of stitch embellishments and the heel isn't high enough (it's about 3 inches) to generate the nerdy 'fierce' factor.

Wow -- only one shoe. Wigmore & FabFrocks brings you nothing but the deepest class. You wouldn't believe the amount of black changing room filth I had to Photoshop off my feet.
Jesus wept.

Neon Flats

Bit grim, innit? There's nothing special about these flats except for the colour which, in person,
is bright enough to sting my mother's eyes. The clear PVC rim is a fine showcase for my sweat condensation but little else. Yeuch. Too grimey cheap even for my taste.

Wow. I'm at a loss, even with a heapin' bag of irony at my disposal.

If Giles was doing some kind of multi-accessory transparent Mr. T tribute thing then at least I could understand it. But no. It's just that key. That heavy plastic key. I don't know. I just don't know.

Woo. Not a note to end on. That's depressing on a Joss Whedon level. Let's cheer ourselves up with a bit of rip-off chic:

Whew. Neon green is such balm to the troubled soul. In conclusion, the collection is patchy and much less cohesive than the previous 2 efforts. Still, at heart I am a John Waters trash maven and so some pieces (the bitchy cheerleader ones) really did speak to me.

Speaking of which, if we fattened and ugg'd up Agyness, wouldn't she make the best John Waters character with that bleached hair, black eyebrows and cheap Giles getup?

Divine et al in Pink Flamingos




Cast of Cry Baby

Hey Deyn, eat some pies and call my people. We'll talk.

Love,
Becky.