TV TV TV: Testing, beta, try-out etc.

Hello blogosphere,

Sorry for the delay in the near-daily blather. Me and Tor have been sick (it's all the kissing with tongues we do) and unable to voice our mealy mouthed opinions about stuff 'n' junk. Tor is overrun with deadlines and schoolwork but I, as ever, have no real life or hobbies to speak of, so you're stuck with the Wigmore solo this week and possibly next. As a kind-of experiment, I just ran up a very shit 2 minute video on my BRAND NEW MAC. Yes, you heard right. I have joined the San-Fran hippie-poseur creative professional elite wankerclub du jour. I'd like to say I use it primarily for my creative work but in truth, I mostly use the neato built-in camera to check my make-up and see how cute I look in sepia, infrared and 'cartoon effect'.

With that in mind, here's my very first video blog, concerning the best charity shop find I've had this year. It cost £7 from Cancer Research. It also stinks of pubs and ladysweat because I've worn it three times and Tor once so I actually had to fish it out of th laundry pile. Y'all should thank your lucky stars that Smell-o-vision didn't make it past the 1950s.

Here it is: slurry voice, ill-advised 'humour', Debbie Reynolds tribute opening and all:



Wow. I just--- wow. Next time I'll write a script. And sort out some lighting. And get a voice coach. And learn my angles. And try not to smell like three separate days of human fluid.

I'm still ill you know. That's my excuse. I've watched 3 straight series of The American Office in bed on my laptop. It is vastly superior to the UK The Office. That is my opinion and it is correct. I am also addicted to Mindy Kaling (Kelly from The Office (US))'s awesome and unusually profane shopping blog.
You should probably go and read her. Apparently being an American comedy writer with a shopping addiction is pretty sweet. If I were her, I'd spend all my time trying to marry Paul Lieberstein. The fact that she does not appear to do this makes me respect her a little less.

Oh, Toby. I would feel your pain and groin.

I recognise he is fictional however so the actor Paul Lieberstein will have to do. This is not so bad, especially as he was also a writer on "Clarissa Explains It All". Clarissa taught a pre-teen Becky that early 90s fashion could one day liberate her from her fat girl baggy t-shity 'n' jeans combo!

Not bad, right? They're selling that Keith Haring t-shirt shizzle at Uniqlo right now!

Both £12.99 here at Uniqlo.co.uk

Lace, Doc Martens and hipster art -shirts? Screw Claudia Kishi - Clarissa Darling's the auger of mid 00's fashion truth!

Wow, for someone who purported not to want to write anything, I sure have blathered. In summary: TV = universally good, Me + TV = something other than universal good. But hey, online media is where the real writing money is, right?

Right?

Love,
Becky.

Zara Hates Your Puffy Ankles

Hello friends,

Today I spent an exhausting 90 minutes in Zara trying on Christmas party dresses to display to you in an upcoming post. However, a more pressing matter quickly caught my attention - the anger and insanity that is their t-shirt range for pregnant women.

Now, I love Zara. Its half translated logo t-shirts with their long length and good quality cotton are a godsend for the style conscious nerd. They are also exceptionally generous in the gluteal area with their trouser tailoring and quick to rip-off the best Miu Miu and Balenciaga when it counts. All good things. However, it is clear that their maternity design team is a mad as a bucket of frogs.

The Many Moods of Pregnancy - (according to Zara)

1. Insecurity (re: erotic viability)


"I'm not fat !! I'm eating for two" Hey, me too Zara - and I ain't even with child. The desperation distilled within those two velvet exclamation marks is quite a thing to behold i'nit? I also enjoy the way the cotton mix clings to my own protuberances. You've gotta applaud their commitment to the verisimilitude of a woman's emotional state. They ain't pulling no punches. I know I've always said that pregnancy is no excuse to pile on any pounds at all. Those lactating LARDOS.

2. Pathetic Clinginess.


"STAY WITH ME" - Yup, it's clear that the impregnator in her life has noticed her horrendous physical deficiencies and has calmly decided to move on. Thank goodness Zara has produced a garment that does all your pathetic hormonal mewling for you! Eyes that have seen more sadness than any one person can bear are model's own.

3. Irrational grasping at chic femininity as typified by former single self.

"Kill for high heels" - I'm not sure if this is a nostalgic moment or an exhortation to all women unshackled by a bloating foetus to buy buy buy those Jimmy Choos whilst they still can and revel in the bunions of independence. Either way, it is as delightfully unhinged as any other in the range and I'm so very digging the Valerie Solanis fanzine style typeface.

4. Homicidal Food/Sexual Cravings.

"I'VE GOT A CRAVING (now!!!) - Yikes, right? Quite apart from the fact I don't think I've ever looked lovelier in a photograph, this t-shirt reunites with our old friend the crazed multiple exclamation mark. As if to underscore the horror (the horror!) of a pregnant lady in a state of need we've got a font that speaks of nothing less than Jack Nicolson at his crazytime typewriter in "The Shining"

Yeesh. And it was the crazy identical twins that were the fashion icons in that movie. Pre-chopping of course.























Am I right or am I right?

I'm right.

Love,
Becky.